Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
