How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
