My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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