and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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