Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
