so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize