I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
COCAINE IS GR8
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize