Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
