if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He shit in the fireplace
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
