No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
