Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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