okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
