i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
