Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
