When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
where does the pee come out of this thing
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Randomize
