Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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