Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
