Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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