a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
