he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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