hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
