Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
