How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
