is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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