Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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