We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
