remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
