Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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