What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
