The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
