I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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