He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
