if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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