I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize