i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i want to swaddle you in tequila
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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