I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize