At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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