she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
