That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize