So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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