I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
