You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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