you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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