after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
