fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
