dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
