my mouth tastes like poor choices
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
