I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
worst night to have a conscience
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I didn't notice because vodka
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
