So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
