Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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