I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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