He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
