Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
