If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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