how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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