Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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