Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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