Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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