My liver just broke up with me...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize