I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
