i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
