He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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