after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
