I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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