Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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