Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
