with your own penis?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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